Returning To Love
by Lizzie Ashden
Summary: Bella is now a vamp 50 years after Edward left. What happens when she has to go back to Forks? . "So here I was on my way to my personal hell where I knew I wouldn’t be able to escape thoughts of him . Oh well at least it cant get any worse I thought"
1. Chapter 1

_He had left me_. That was the only thought coursing through my mind as I sat in the front seat of my car driving to the one place I thought I'd never go back to; Forks. Turns out it would only take me a century to run out of options. My coven needed to come here, as we didn't have anywhere else. They could tell how much this hurt me but they knew I knew it was necessary. Besides I'd felt worse pain before. The thought was oddly claming. I could get through this. It wouldn't be pleasant but it couldn't be as bad as _that_ I though to myself. Nothing in my life had _ever_ been as bad as _that._ Not even the fire that came with the change or the thirst of my new life compared to the pain Id felt when _he_ left.

"Izzy? You ok? You've gone off into Izzy-land again." Max said looking at me with worry in his honey-brown eyes.

"I'm ok. It's just weird. I never thought I'd come back here." I replied in my monotone voice, which was all I had spoken in for the past few days when I knew where we were headed.

"Were sorry Izz. We wish we didn't have to come here. We know this isn't going to be easy on you. Is there anything we can do to help?" Sarah asked, always worried about me.

"I'm ok Sarah and don't you dare blame yourself. It's ok. It's not ideal but I'll live, right?" I said trying to lighten the mood.

"You're right. If we're talking about blame then that lies with a certain person who is very lucky he hasn't met me or he'd be burning in seconds" she said her eyes alight with the protective fire she had whenever she spoke of anyone who dared cross her or any of us.

"No he wouldn't because I wouldn't let you get yourself in trouble over him. Besides it's not like Ill ever see him again." I said hoping the longing I felt was detectable only to me.

I had never told my coven, my family, just how much I missed him, how I could still remember each and every moment we'd spent together in perfect clarity, how some nights the pain of his loss got so bad sometimes I had to run away for the night and just find somewhere I could scream and sob and let myself_ feel_ it. I was thankful for these nights because no matter how much they hurt they reminded me that he had existed , that we had been together if only for a short time. As it was I always returned, I couldn't leave my family, they meant too much to me. So here I was on my way to my personal hell where I knew I wouldn't be able to escape thoughts of _him _and what had happened all those years ago. _Oh well at least it cant get any worse_ I thought. Oh how wrong I was.

As we pulled into town, the crippling pain that came with a thousand memories of places we'd gone, roads we'd travelled, hit me. I tried to maintain my composure but I knew Sarah and Max could tell I was in pain. The look in their eyes told me they truly were sorry for the pain I felt. I never blamed them. I never blamed anyone for what had happened. Well I blamed no one but myself. It was my fault. I was the one that had been stupid enough to believe that someone like me could ever deserve someone like him. I knew it in my heart but I never voiced this, as I knew Sarah would go off on one and try to convince me it was his fault not mine. Part of me saw her reasoning but the other, bigger, part knew that no matter what anyone said I would always blame myself. As we drove passed my old house I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to get out. I needed to break down and I didn't want Sarah and Max to have to see me like that. I asked Max to take over as I pulled over. I said, "I'm sorry. I just need some alone time. Ill catch up with you soon. Don't worry about me. Ill be ok." trying to put a smile on my face to try to ease any worry they might have had. I don't think I did a very good job but I had to try.

Once I got out of the car I turned and saw the house, which used to belong to my the thought of my dad I was momentarily distracted from the pain of him and a new pain crept into me: the loss of my father. It had been half a century since he had died and I could still remember the day I found out. I hadn't been able to come to the funeral as I was a vampire and had not aged. I felt enormously guilty that I had not been there when he died, had not been able to grieve with the others who loved my father. I decided to pay him a visit and I ran to Forks cemetery. It was dark so I was able to go without fear of being discovered. I slowed when I saw my fathers grave and I knelt down and sobbed, wishing for tears that would never fall. I sat there remembering how we never told each other how we felt but that we both knew we were loved. "I'm sorry Dad. I love you. I always will." I said standing not able to bear it any longer. I ran back to the house and my eyes settled on the entrance to the wood, in which my life as I knew it had been ended. I walked towards it and began to remember just what happened that fateful day when my heart broke into a thousand pieces: pieces I would never find. I walked the familiar path and it was as if I was travelling back in time. The feelings just as strong as they had been then, to the point I had to stop and lie down on the ground and scream. I knew my voice was too high for any human to hear when I screamed and I hope my family was too far away to hear. I got up then did what I always did after I broke down. I ran. I just gave myself over to my instincts; just let myself go where I wanted. I didn't know at the time but that was possibly the worst or best thing I could have done.

I ran and felt so free as I always did when I ran. Running was one of the best things my new life offered. I could forget everything else and simply focus on the wind rushing by me, playing with my hair. I remembered being scared of the speed when I was human but now I craved it, running was my release, the one time I could make sense of things and collect my thoughts. I suddenly stopped when I realised where I'd ran. The meadow; our meadow. I stood still, as all the memories of that wonderful day in which Edward revealed himself in the sunlight came flooding back with the force of a fleet of tankers. I had been told by others of my kind it was unusual to remember your human life so clearly and I figured it was just another Bella thing. I found that being in the meadow I'd been in more than a century ago too much to bear so soon after my first breakdown. I had intended to run back to Sarah and Max, sure that if I didn't Sarah would start to worry. However, I had not counted on this happening. I fell to the forest floor and the irony of the situation did not escape me ; yes since Edwards departure I had become a vampire , stronger that what I had been, but he was still able to effect me like no other, not even needing to be anywhere near me. I heard a faint rustling of leaves, too quite to be made by a human. I stood up ready to defend myself if needed. I was totally unprepared for what I was about to face. It can't be. It's not possible. I thought. I must be loosing my mind. Then just as I feared for my sanity I heard a sound more beautiful than any bird song. Opera singers would trade anything to have the same musical voice as the one now currently travelling to my ears , the sweetest sound I had heard in a century coming from an angel I had long since given up on seeing again. I concluded that if my mind was indeed going through a breakdown I may as well enjoy the side effects.

"Bella" he said and then it became too real to be good, too dangerous so as usual I ran. I bolted out of there as fast as my legs would carry me.


	2. Chapter 2

When I got back to the house I burst into my room, lay on the bed, and wept. I couldn't believe what had happened. I was sure I was loosing my mind. Then I realised it had happened. He _had _been there, just a few meters from where I'd stood and gaped like the idiot I was. Sarah and Max didn't come to my room until morning, sensing I needed time on my own. I heard the anxious thoughts of Sarah alerting me to the time and the fact we would be late for school.

In truth, I didn't care about it. I was more than content to stay here and weep for what I had lost, yet I knew I had been raised better and in typical good-girl style I put on a brave face and got ready for school. Rushing downstairs to meet my family, staring at me with anxious eyes. Sarah ran to me, gripping me in a tight embrace, her thoughts full of concern for me and love. I hugged her back eager to reassure her.

"I'm ok. Not great but I'm dealing. It's just a lot. I didn't mean to worry you. I'm so-" I said.

"If you dare finish that sentence I'll take your keys away. There is nothing to be sorry for. We're just glad you're ok. We understand this will be difficult for you. Especially with what he did to you. I still say I should be allowed to go hunt him down and kill him." Max said looking at me with such care and concern I nearly wept.

"And land yourself in jail? I don't think so. I appreciate the sentiment though." I said honestly grateful I had someone as kind and caring looking out for me.

He muttered, "Would be worth it" under his breath though we all heard it. I just looked at him and said, "Come on we'd better get going or we're going to be really late."

"You sure you want to go? We can say you're ill and get your stuff for you if you want." Sarah offered, trying to let me know I didn't need to do this.

"No it's ok. It'll be better if I just go and get the first day over with." I said sure that whatever lay ahead I could handle it.

"Ok well whose driving?" She asked.

"I will. Can we take the Volvo?" Max asked , then turned beetroot when he realised what he's said.

"Of course. I was actually going to suggest it." I said to free him of any unnecessary guilt. Even though I tried not to think of Edward when the time came to buy a car I simply couldn't resist getting a shiny silver Volvo. I loved it and then memories it reminded me of, even though they caused me pain.

We all went to the garage and piled into the Volvo, Max in front driving, Sarah and me in the back. No one said anything during the drive to school, all lost in our own thoughts mine going back to my very first day at Forks High and wondering if the second first day could ever live up to it. Little did I know it would surpass my expectations

We pulled into the school parking lot and I was bombarded with the thoughts of all those around me. I could sense the excitement and nervousness at a new school year and through the medium of their thoughts I could detect a few of my classmates' decedents, a new Stanley and Webber who I was sure were just the same as their great-great-grandparents. I also detected a young Newton and prayed he did not inherit his ancestor's sliminess and stubbornness. I scanned the cars and nearly fell over when I saw my cars twin parked alongside a BMW M3 and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I turned to my family sure I was making this up or there was some other explanation.

"Let's go get our timetables shall we?" I said praying they could not detect the unease in my voice.

We walked into the reception and it was like walking back in time. True a new paintjob had occurred but the layout and even the furniture was the same if not a replica of Forks 100 years ago. I found it comforting and unsettling in equal parts and when I got my timetable and saw it was the exact same as I'd had previously, with different teachers I laughed. Max and Sarah looked at me and I just shook my head, letting them know I was ok, just being Izzy. They received their timetables and I was glad to see I had one or both of them in my classes except biology in which I was on my own. We decided to go to class and Max bayed us goodbye, as it was just me and Sarah until third period.

During my lessons I let my mind wander back, feeling weird at the sense of déjà vu that came with being back here. I only tuned in when I was asked a question and plucked the answer out of the teachers head. I could hear the male population of the school lusting after me and Sarah thanking their stars they finally had some "talent" in the school. I blocked out their thoughts and did the same with the females once I read the hostility saturating their thoughts towards us. Sarah just rolled her eyes when she felt my shield go up, guessing the cause.

Once the bell for lunch rang, the three of us made our way to the canteen and waited in line paid for our food and then turned to find and unoccupied table. When I turned and glanced round the room, I was shocked when I saw another familiar sight of this school and as I stared at the Cullen's sitting in the same table they had occupied when we had been here previously. I felt my knees buckle and I nearly dropped the food I was carrying. I could not believe this and by the looks on their faces neither could they.

"Izz? What it is? You ok?" Max asked then followed the direction of my gaze and growled menacingly when he spotted the Cullen's. "No way. What are they doing here?" He said fully aware they would be able to hear him. He started to walk over to them but I grabbed his arm and yanked him back.

"Don't. Not here. Please." I begged not wanting him to cause a scene. He just pulled me into his arms and wrapped them around me wishing he could just hug the pain away. I heard a growl from across the room and glanced up to see Edward glaring at Max. I felt Max war with his desire to go across the room and kill Edward versus wanting to do as I'd asked and avoid a scene. He looked into my eyes and seemed to find the strength to rise above. He relaxed and released me, taking my hand in his, wanting to keep contact to try and keep himself calm whilst reassuring me he was there for me. Sarah just glared at the Cullen's her thoughts full of venom I turned to her and said "Stop it with the mental bashing ok?"

"What? It's not like they don't deserve it," she said with a pointed glance at Edward.

"Look let's just go." I said turning to leave the canteen and I felt them fall into line behind me, wanting to make sure I was ok.

I went to the woods not far from the school and sat on the ground, trying to absorb everything that had happened. I felt two pairs of arms wrap around me, comforting me like I knew they would. I stayed like that for a few minutes then said.

"I'm ok. I just didn't expect that. I'm really ok. Let's get back before class starts." I said.

"You sure? I mean maybe you should go home…" Max suggested worried about me.

"Thanks but I'll be ok. Besides, don't want to skive on the first day. Doesn't really give the best impression."

"Ok." He said helping me to my feet and guiding me to school, Sarah walking in front casting a glance back every so often. When I got to my biology class I was a couple of minutes late. I knocked on the door entered and apologized for my lateness feigning getting lost.

"That's ok there is a spare seat next to Mr Cullen. Here are your books." The teacher said and I whipped round and saw Edward sitting in his old seat a spare seat next to him, when I looked round and realised it was the only spare seat I made my way to the seat and thought to myself Well at least he wont want to kill you for your blood this time.


	3. Chapter 3

I don't know how I made it through that class with Edward sitting next to me , glancing at me every few seconds and me just glaring back at him. I mean how much pain can one heart take, even if it hasn't beat in 100 years? I tried my best to just look forward and pay attention to the lesson but I failed miserably. Eventually I just let my head fall onto the desk, my hands underneath and thought _Why me? What have I done to deserve this? _

When the bell rang I bolted out of the class at a nearly too fast pace, yet I managed to just appear to be in a hurry to leave. I walked to my next class with Max and when he saw me, I must have had a look on my face that tipped him off because the first thing he said was "What happened?".

I said "Not now." and made my way to a desk saving him the one next to it. All through the lesson, I pondered over why Edward and his family were back and how fate could be so cruel and tried to smile when I felt Max glance over at me worry clear on his face and in his eyes. When we left to go home I could tell Max was about to ask me again but I just said, "I'll tell you when we get home." He looked worried but didn't attempt to ask me any questions.

As we approached the car, I saw him standing next to my car, eyes pleading as if willing me to talk to him. However I was not the same person I had been and whilst his eyes made me want to weep from the grief of their loss I could not let myself talk to him for fear of yet another breakdown. Thankfully, Sarah sensed my discomfort and walked up to him.

She said, "Leave her alone. Don't you think you've done enough damage? Just leave her alone or I swear I'll take matters into my own hands, promises be dammed!"

Max could see that Sarah was near her limit and interjected "Look just go before I have to stop Sarah from doing something she'd regret." She looked at him as if contradicting his words "You would when it hurt Izzy. So let us pass because my patience is not to be tested." He said with a tone of finality.

Edward seemed to respond and did move from the car yet his eyes never left mine. I felt their familiar pull and remembered how many times I'd got lost in them. "Bella?" He said his voice full of some emotion I couldn't decipher. I looked at him and it was like coming home. I wanted to believe that Edward was back and that we could go back to being us.

Then I remembered that fateful day and I knew that Edward could never feel the same as me as the words he'd spoken confirmed as much. "Just go…Please," I said my voice breaking embarrassingly. I walked past him and got into the car as quickly as I could.

Max came in next to me and cradled me in his arms. I sobbed and looked at Sarah her eyes wide with concern and anger, which I knew, was not directed at me. We got home in record time thanks to Sarah's driving. When we parked in the garage, I felt Max's arms wrap around the backs of my knees and the small of my back effortlessly scooping me up and carrying me into the house. He carried me upstairs and placed me gently on my bed.

The sobs had quietened somewhat I was able to croak out "Thanks".

"Don't mention it. Really. Are you ok? I've never seen you so upset." He said, worry clear in his voice and I was sure it was in his eyes but I couldn't bring myself to look in his eyes.

"I should go rip off his…" Sarah began.

"No. Please I don't want to cause trouble. Let's just try to get on with our lives. There is no reason to fight with the Cullen's" I said quickly.

"The fact you can't even say that name without flinching proves there is reason. As well as the fact that Edward-freaking-Cullen just reduced you to tears when I've seen you take down new-borns without blinking. Izz we're worried. Are you sure you're ok with being here? We'd completely understand if you wanted to leave." Max said softly rubbing gentle soothing circles on my back.

"No. We are not leaving. I am not going to run away just because they're here. I'm not the same girl I was last time they were in Forks." I said with some conviction. I was telling the truth. Yes, the fact the family I had once hoped to join was now back in town was causing me immense pain but I would not let them force me out of my home. I would not show them how much they affected me.

Suddenly the doorbell rang. I was puzzled. As far as the locals were concerned, no one lived here. I went downstairs and opened the door

The next thing I knew I was being tackled by a five-foot pixie.

"Bella! Oh, Bella. I've missed you!" Alice cried, holding me in an iron-vice grip.

"Alice let her breathe." Her husband said with a familiar southern accent, which was now much more noticeable.

I suddenly remembered he could sense my emotions and I immediately threw up my shield. He looked puzzled for a second.

"I prefer to keep to myself Jasper." I said in a monotone voice.

"I understand the why but not the how." he replied.

"I'm a shield. Mental and physical among other things." I answer.

"OH MY GOD Bella!" Alice shrieks.

"Alice what are you doing here?" I ask.

"Exactly what I'd like to know." Max says coming up and placing his arms around me in a comforting way.

"I just came to see my friend." Alice responds.

"Friend? After what you did to her? How can you stand there and call her your friend when you left her a century ago?" Sarah screams barrelling down the stairs and ending up right in Alice's face.

"Sarah!" I say.

"No Izzy. I've held my tongue long enough. They need to know what they did. How can you stand there and defend them? Izz I saw what you went through. Do NOT tell me they don't deserve a hell of a lot more than a tongue-lashing." She says anger clear on her eyes. She is so angry I almost see flames in her eyes.

"That isn't for you to decide. I know your just looking out for me and I love you for it but I really don't want to fight. I can't. I don't have the strength." I say and turn and head up to my room.

"What is wrong with Bella?" Alice asks.

"What's wrong is you and your family broke her heart and soul when you left and we've spend the last hundred years trying to help her piece herself back together. Then just when she's almost there you and that brother of yours decide to turn up and rip her apart again. What was nearly killing her once not enough? Wanted to see if you could finish the job?" Max says his voice dripping with contempt.

I hear a whoosh of air and suddenly my door is open and Alice is knelling at the foot of my bed dry sobbing.

"Bella I'm so sorry. I had no idea it would do that to you. I told him not to do it. He wouldn't listen. I shouldn't have let him do it." She chokes out.

"What do you mean Alice?" I ask

"Edward. I told him, pleaded with him, not to do it. I tried to make him see all it would do was hurt you both. I had no idea just how badly it would hurt you. I am so sorry." Alice said her eyes wide with regret and sorrow.

"Alice it's not your fault. It's just one of those things. Sometimes things don't work out. You can't force love. It's either there or it isn't." I said my voice shaking slightly.

"What are you talking about Bella? I don't understand. What does that have to do with anything?" Alice asked.

"Everything. I mean it's the whole reason he left." I nearly scream at her as the hole in my heart starts to rip open.

"What is Bella?" she asks.

"He didn't love me." I say, and break down sobbing wishing for tears that will never come.

"What? That's absurd. Of course he loves you." She says looking at me as if I was crazy.

"No Alice. He didn't. He told me the day he left." I say my voice faltering in places.

"WHAT?" She screams. "HE TOLD YOU THAT HE DIDN'T LOVE YOU? I'LL KILL HIM."

"Alice what is going on?" I say beyond confused at this point.


	4. Chapter 4

"Exactly what I'd like to know. Bella we will get to the bottom of this. Will you come to our house and we can get this straightened out? I have a feeling that you and Edward need to talk." She said. I was torn in two. I desperately wanted to go with her, to see them again and be in that house which held so many memories but the thought of seeing Edward had me weary. I didn't want to see him and see the cold look he had in his eyes the day he left. Yet I remembered the strange looks he had given me today, the strange emotion I saw there. I decided to put on a brave face, I needed to understand what was going on, why Alice was so mad.

"Okay. I'll go." I said and the second the word left my lips I heard footsteps racing toward my room.

"You're not going without us." Max says.

"Don't even try and stop us." Sarah adds.

"Guys…" I begin but am silenced by a look form S, dang she can be intimidating when she wants to be.

"Fine but please behave and be civil at least." I ask."We promise" they reply in chorus a glint in their eyes alerting me that I may need to remind them of this. With that we head out the door and set off for the most beautiful house I have ever know and the place I once thought of as home

As we approached the door to the Cullen mansion, I felt my heart break again as all the memories came flooding back. I sucked in a breath and felt a strong arm wrap around my waist. Max could always tell when it got too much and I was grateful he was always there to try and ease some of my pain.

"Thanks." I murmur.

"No problem." He next thing I know the door to the house swings open and I'm engulfed in a huge pair of arms, wrapped in the biggest strongest hug I've ever had.

"Hey squirt I've missed you. It's been too long since I laughed at someone tripping or blushing every five seconds." he says putting me down on the ground. "But I guess you don't do that so much anymore" he continues with a sombre look.

"Well I still stumble sometimes but I don't go scarlet anymore." I say.

"Yeah it is pretty funny when she ends up falling down or tripping over her feet. I'll never forget the first time." Max begins.

"Shut up now or I'm taking your keys." I say.

"Aww but you know you love it when I tease you." he replies.

"No I do not. Now kindly shut up." I say elbowing him in the ribs.

"Emmett why did you rush out the…" Esme begins, appearing from behind the door then stops dead when she spots me. "Bella… Oh Bella darling" She says rushing to envelope me in a hug so caring and maternal I can't get the lump from my throat. It's been so long since I've felt cared for that it overwhelms me. I step back from the hug and look into her eyes and say "Hello Esme. It's wonderful to see you again. I've missed you." I say.

Suddenly I hear a voice call from the staircase and I freeze in place. "What's all the fuss about?" Edward asks then his eyes lock onto mine and I feel like a mouse trapped in the gaze of a snake. I want to look away but I can't.

"Hello Edward. Alice asked us to come over…" I say.

"So you can explain how you were dumb enough to lie to her all those years ago and tell her you didn't love her. I mean how stupid are you? What possessed you to do something so dense so incredibly dumb?" She screams at him and every member of the family looks at him in masks of shock and horror.

"Alice please I already told you. It's not Edwards fault. You can't force yourself to love someone. Either you do or you don't. Just drop it please. It's in the past. It doesn't matter. I should have known anyway. Fairytales don't exist in the real world. Please stop raking up the past. I can't take it." I say. I know that at any minute, my heart is going to shatter and I can't be around people when that happens.

"Bella what are you saying? Do you mean to tell me you believed what I told you all those years ago?" Edward says with a pained look in his eyes.

"Of course she did. You practically spelled it out for her. I mean you didn't exactly go soft on her did you?" Sarah spits out, voice laden with venom.

"Sarah! How many times? Ease up. God control your thoughts." I say as a picture of exactly what she would do to Edward crosses her mind and my own.

"What thoughts? I can't hear her thoughts or any of your coven." He says an annoyed look creeping over his face.

"Trust me you don't want to know. I know you can't. I know because I'm the one ensuring it. One of my powers is a shield. Mental and physical. I can also project onto whomever I want which means my family's minds are safe. They asked me to put up the shield. They prefer their privacy." I say in a calm collected manner, completely masking the utter turmoil that I'm experiencing.

"Although I'd gladly show you just what I was thinking…"Sarah starts.

"Unless you want me to take away your car keys and make you eat human food unassisted for a month you will do no such thing. Clear?" I say trying to show how serious I am.

"Dang! Bella got bossy!" Emmett chuckles.

"Only when I have to be." I respond.

"Bella why don't you and your family come inside and we can all talk. We have some much to learn. I will however ask that we wait Carlisle's return. He won't be long but I know he'd hate to miss out on what I'm sure will be a most interesting tale."

"Certainly Esme. I wouldn't have it any other way." I say looking forward to seeing the fatherly vampire I'd know so long ago. We waited for Carlisle for a few minutes then I heard a set of footsteps leading up to the house. I froze for a second with the realization that in a few minutes I would be retelling my life story and reliving the past; my most hated pastime.

AN:

Hey guys.

Worked out some errors in this and decided to re-post as shown.

I felt it flowed better this way.

NOW for the important stuff.

I need you guys to tell me which you would prefer to see happen here.

Option 1: Bella and Edward get back together and everything ends there (well in a couple of chapters, maybe 1).

Option 2: Bella decides to make Edward suffer a little and have a little fun at his expense (resulting in longer story but still a make-up at the end).

PLEASE review your opinions.

They are highly valued as you're the ones who keep this going by reading.

Hugs and kisses

Lizzie (Liz)

xoxoxoxox


	5. Chapter 5

Carlisle enters the house, my anxiety levels hit the roof, Max comes over and puts his arm around me, helping me calm down.

"You can do this." he says.

"Who are our guests dear? I wasn't aware we were expecting anyone." Carlisle says.

"You weren't Carlisle. And I'm betting even if you had expected someone, it wouldn't have been me." I say as he enters the room.

"Bella? Is it really you?" he asks stunned.

"I go by Izzy now Carlisle but yes, it's me." I say.

"Oh my god. It's so good to see you." he replies "And your… friends." looking at Max and Sarah.

"My coven. Sarah and Max." I say.

"Pleased to meet you. Any friend of Bel…Izzy is a friend of ours." he say. Sarah scoffs at this but doesn't open her mouth so I let her be.

"Why don't we sit down and you can tell us what you've been up to Izzy darling." Esme says.

"Yes. Like how you became a vampire. I'll bet that's a cool story." Em says.

"Cool? You think what happened to her is cool?" Max says, fire in his eyes. He hates this story almost as much as me.

"Hey! Come here" I say, grabbing his hand and seating him at the opposite end of the room from the Cullens. Sarah follows. I know neither of them would hurt them because they know I would hate it, but there is no point in tempting fate. I sit on the chair with Max, leaning into him for strength and comfort, which he provides by running his hand up my arm, keeping himself calm as well as soothing me. This does not go unnoticed by Edward.

I turn to face Max and say "I know this isn't going to be easy for you, but if you can't handle it maybe you should go for a run and come back in a bit." not wanting to cause him unnecessary pain.

"The only way I'm going anywhere is if you're with me. I'm sorry for snapping." he says.

"It's ok man. I should have thought before speaking. Shame that was never my strong suit." Em jokes, lightening the mood.

"Yeah. Well if everyone's ready I'll begin. To fully understand my becoming a vampire you have to first understand what happened after you left. When you left, it was like my life ended. I've always thought of that day in the woods as the day Bella Swan died. I was like a zombie for months, only speaking when asked a direct question, going to school and coming home. I was there in body, but not in mind. Everywhere I looked I'd find something that reminded me of you and it was just as bad as the first time. Yet I don't mind. I welcomed the pain. It was the only thing I had left, the only thing that proved you all were real. I then knew what I had to do. I wanted to go somewhere that held a lot of memories, that was important. I thought about your house but then I remembered the meadow. That was where I got to see you for the first time in the sun. I decided to go back there to see it again, to see what would happen, how I would cope. Well all I can say is I sure got a lot more than what I bargained for. Victoria was there, looking for me." I say then the room explodes with growls.

Every Cullen's growl is present, even Esme's and Carlisle's. The growls subside and I continue. "She thought that it would be fairer, going after me instead of Edward. Mate for mate. She didn't know things weren't like that anymore. She was mad but she had had a lot of time to plan this. She didn't want to go straight for the kill. She wanted to cause pain. She wanted me to beg her to kill me. Only when she had me begging for death would she finally kill me. Luckily things never got that far. A certain pair of vampires were nearby and heard my screams. They rushed to help me, but there was to much damage for me to stay alive as a human. Max gave me a choice. He said he could change me if I wanted, or he could finish the job quickly, no more pain. I chose the former, obviously. By the time I was changed I was safe with my new family, ready to start my new life." I finish.

Esme stands up, murder in her eyes. Out of all the Cullen's Esme has always been the most placid, abhorred by violence. The sudden change startles me, as well as everyone else.

"Tell me she's dead. Tell me Victoria is not still tainting the Earth with her existence." she growls, like a mother lion. I realise that Esme is acting the way she always has, as a mother. Victoria threatened me, her child, naturally she would want vengeance. I now see that though the most calm Esme is also the most dangerous Cullen. She would fight to the death for her children.

"No she's dead." I say.

"Who?" she asks, wanting to know who killed Victoria, who brought about her demise.

"Me" says Sarah. "That bitch needed to be put down."

Esme goes over to Sarah and wraps her arms around her, a hug of thanks, which Sarah returns without disdain, I notice proud of her.

"Thank you. Thank you for saving Bella from that witch." she says "I'm only sorry I didn't get a chance to watch her burn."

She then looks at Max with gratitude oozing from every pore.

"Thank you for having the strength to do what you did." she says.

"Your welcome." he replies nodding in acceptance of her thanks and wrapping his arms round me tighter, needing the feel of me to remind him I'm still here.

Esme then looks at me, sorrow evident in the planes of her face and in the depths of her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I wasn't there. I should have been there. I should have protected you. I mean you're my daugh…" she says, stopping mid word as she realises her mistake. Suddenly I see that the Esme-shaped hole in my heart has a twin, a Bella-shaped one in hers.

I stand up, go over to her, look her in the eye and say " Say it. You have more right than anyone ever has. Even when I was human you were the mother I never had. You can say it Esme, because there is nothing I would love more than to hear you call me your daughter.", giving her a hug which I hope conveys that I forgive her, that I need her, that I love her, that she is still my mom in all but name.

"Thank you. Thank you so much. From now on I will be worthy of the gift of being your mother. I promise never to fail you again, my daughter." she says, unshed tears in her eyes.

"You never have Mom. You couldn't." I say feeling the hole in my heart slowly heal. I know my heart hasn't healed yet but as I look into the eyes of the best mother I could ever have I know that I'm getting there, little by little.

AN:

Hey Guys.

No you're not seeing things I really have updated!

I am so sorry for not updating for so long.

I promise to update more frequently from now on.

Please leave a review. Good bad it's all welcome and valued.

Plus if any of you have ideas for the story I'd love to hear them and see about including them.

Hugs and Kisses

Lizzie(Liz)

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo


	6. Chapter 6

Suddenly I get a flash of Alice's vision and see my nightmare come to life. I clamp down on her thoughts so no one will know what's going to happen.

"Alice I know what you saw and trust me you have nothing to fear. She means no harm." I say.

"Who is she?" Alice asks

"I'll explain when she gets here but please just stay calm...and trust me." I reply.

Max catches on quickly "You want me to try and stop her?"

"There's no point. It had to happen sooner or later." I say then I pick up the sound of her feet, a sound I would know anywhere. I know the next few minutes will change the course of my life forever and I don't know whether it will be for the better or for worse.

"Whoa since when did you guys get social? Who is everyone? Oh my god." She says as she comes in the door and registers the fact that the Cullens are present too.

"Mom? What is going on? What are they doing here?" She asks deciding whether to bolt or sit it out.

"Mom? Bella who is this?" Edward asks and I know he's noticing the fact that she is a perfect mix of the two of us. My eyes, his hair, his height, my build.

"This is my daughter. Elizabeth Swan." I respond and the entire room fills with the sounds of shock.

"Ok can you all stop with the staring? It's creepy. Besides if you had bothered to get in touch before now my guess is you would have known about me already." she retorts.

"Liz. Enough." I say.

"Fine. Hey Max, hey Sarah." she says going over and wrapping them up in a bear hug which ends up with her trying to pin Max to the floor.

"Guys! Cut it out. Max! Come on you're supposed to be older than her." I say tense beyond tolerance.

"Ok. Come on kiddo let's give your mom a break. Why don't we go back to the house and we can catch up and maybe I'll let you beat me at a match?" Max says.

"Yeah right! I'll beat your ass fair and square old man! See you mom!" she calls running off with max.

"I'll go make sure they don't break anything. You are going to be ok?" Sarah asks.

"Yeah I'll be fine. Thanks. I'll be home soon." I say giving her a hug to let her know I appreciate her helping me by giving me less to worry about.

"Ok. If you need me you know how to reach me." she says as she runs after the two big kids laughing at their antics.

I hear the door shut and turn around to the faces of some very shocked vampires.

"Ok here's what's going to happen. I am going to answer all the questions I can one at a time. You are going to listen and not freak out and not push me to explain things that I know will upset my daughter. In short I'll tell you as much as she would be comfortable with you knowing, no more." I say.

"Bella, how did this happen? I mean I know how it happens for humans but I never thought…" Edward stammers.

"Truthfully I don't know for sure. My guess is that due to the fact you are essentially frozen when changed a vampires fertility is relevant to their age as a human. This would be in males only. In short because you would have been able to father a child when you were human you can when you're a vampire. For females I believe the possibility of fertility is nonexistent due to the fact a woman's body has to change in order to be fertile and to carry children. A male vampire can father children with a human female but not with a female vampire." I explain.

"Very shrewdly observed Izzzy. I believe you are right. I mean it makes sense." Carlisle says.

"Thanks." I reply.

"How old is she?" Alice asks.

"She is 100 years old. She reached maturity at 7 years old. She has remained the same since age 7." I say.

"What is her diet?" Carlisle asks.

"She is a vegetarian like us but she can eat and gain some nutrition from human food. It doesn't appeal to her in the same way but she can tolerate it. It does not diminish her need for blood but it can help a little." I respond.

"Does she have any powers?"Jasper asks.

"Yes but if you want to know what they are I would suggest you ask her." I say.

"Fair enough." he replies.

"How much does she know about us?" Edward asks.

"She knows everything. I made a point to never keep anything from her. When she was little she used to ask me to tell her stories about my past as a bedtime story. She loved hearing about vampires and humans and werewolves." I say.

"Werewolves? How do you know about them?" he asks growling.

"I know from the same way you do. La Push. Jacob Black was my best friend. It hit me hard when he stopped talking to me so I went over to his place, Paul said something Jake didn't like and boom! Wolfs out of the bag. After that they told me everything. We used to hang out a lot. They used to make fun of the fact I was the only normal one there. I used to say "So you guys call me normal? Man you need your definition of normal redefined. Would a normal person believe and know about all this?" When I became a vampire they still kept in touch. I went to visit Jake and Nessie a while back. Lizzy loves them. She used to love fighting with Jake because he was the only one who wouldn't hold back with her even though I threatened to kill him if I ever saw a scratch on her. Fortunately it was always him that ended up worse for wear." I say.

"You were around the pack? Bella do you know how dangerous that was? You could have been killed! She could have been killed!" Edward says.

"Stop right there Edward. You have no right to tell me who I can and cannot be friends with and you most definitely do not have the right to tell me how to raise my child. I trust Jake with my life. He would die by inches before he let anything happen to her." I say full of fury.

"I'm sorry. I just thought…"

"That I didn't know the risk I was taking? That I wasn't capable of handling my own life? Well you're wrong Edward. I am more than capable of looking after myself and my family. It's not your job to protect me or to worry about me. You gave up that right a hundred year ago remember?" I say placing the last conversation we had into his mind from my point of view.

"How?" he says.

"The change brought many gifts to me. Mostly to do with the mind. There's not much you'll find I can't do. As long as it doesn't go against the laws of nature I can do anything I want just by thinking of it." I say "Some things are easy, second nature whereas some things take a little more effort. For example controlling my shield was easy once I understood I had it and could work with it. Control of the elements is possible but trickier. I have to focus and if I'm not careful I can black-out from using too much energy. It's not something I do often and I'll be honest I don't really have a need for it but it can come in handy at times."

"Wow. Bella went all badass on us." Emmett laughs.

"Watch it or I will." I joke.

Suddenly it seems as if all eyes are on me and for some reason I can't handle it. I need to get back to Elizabeth, I haven't seen her in years and I need to talk to her about what has happened. I don't think it will be a fun conversation but it is a necessary one. I stand to leave and everyone wished me a good night and told me they would see me tomorrow. I just hoped I'd be able to make it through tonight.

AN:

Once again you are not seeing things

This is an update.

I am SORRY about not being able to update sooner

I got sever writers block and a case or exams and real life.

I hope you all like it (If not let me know and i'll see what i can do to make it better)

Please Review (even if just to tell me off for the long wait!)

Hugs and Kisses.

Lizzie (Liz)

xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxooxoxooxoxo

xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ps i have an idea for a story involving cars but have no clue about them Mechanic Bella and Prim Edward (or badass Edward not decided yet)

Please let me know if you want to help or can offer advice.

Also i have a kinda 1st chapter of a holiday romance twilight style

Any interst in reading it will result in posting.


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